Bless my mess.

Another new day, thank you God. 

Today is a special day for me, it’s my 42nd birthday.  When I woke up this morning, I felt tired and had a headache.  My daughter woke up at 1am and had trouble going back to sleep.  Then I had trouble falling back asleep and my 4 am alarm suddenly seemed way too close.  So I turned it off, completely forgetting that I needed to wake up early to do some stuff around the house.

This Spring and Summer has been intense and busy for me.  I received many blessings and have been busy managing them the best I can. I bought and renovated a commercial building, opened a consignment shop, and was lucky enough to take a vacation to Hawaii.  Sure that looks great on the outside, but I cannot (and will not) do it all.  Something had to give and the sacrifice I made was in cleaning my house.  I’ve done the bare minimum for months and it’s a dusty mess. When my home is messy, I feel messy.  I feel scattered and all over the place.  A clean environment helps me feel calm and grounded. 

So for this birthday this year I am gifting myself and my home a professional deep clean.  I was supposed to wake up early today to clean for the cleaner, but instead I slept until 6 or so and am now enjoying coffee on the couch under blankets and writing.  It will all get done.  I know it will be ok. 

This year I am refusing to stress out over anything anymore.  This is me now.  Take it or leave it, I am not bothered.  My peace is my top priority because when I am not stressed and at peace, that ripples down to my child.  It goes the other way too.  When I am anxious, I know she feels it.  When I am worried, she worries too.  I want to make the conscious effort to bring peace into her little life and teach her how to be a peaceful human being and not sweat the small stuff.

The past few years have been an intense rollercoaster ride of transformation for me.  In all the ups and downs, I have learned to let go of control and rely on God to handle things.  I would not be here without His help and guidance.  He has brought me so much love, joy, peace, and healing.  I trust in God with all my heart and soul.  I’ve never known a love this deep before.

So on this 42nd anniversary of my birth, I give all my glory and honor to God and I ask, how can I serve today?  What can I do to help?

“Tell them.”  I hear.

“Speak your testimony.”

I love God, I would be nothing without God. I would not exist.  Nothing would exist without God. 

God is all.  Everything.  There is no good or bad, only God.  God is all aspects of everything, and is pure love.  There is no sin this way. 

I used to struggle with this concept.  How could a loving God allow such suffering to happen in the world? 

You see, God wants you to grow and love yourself as much as He does.  You and God are one, you are not separate.  Suffering teaches us how to love ourselves and to separate from the ego. It is the ego that separates us from this Truth, nothing else, meaning our own mind is the only thing that allows suffering to exist in the first place.  It is not the will of God to create suffering; it is the will of the ego to resist one-ness with God. 

When we wake up and choose to serve God and spread love instead of serving the whims of our egos, then the world will know peace.  Peace starts within, with taming the demons and devils inside of you that tell you that you are not good enough, not worthy enough, insignificant, unlovable, disgusting, etc.  Wars waged within is what causes wars to be waged externally.

It is all a game.  What do you do with the hand that you have been dealt?  Suffering gives us growth and wisdom.  It allows us to either evolve or devolve.  Life is not fair because no two of us are the same.  Who is one person to judge another when you have not lived in their shoes? This is why you should take nothing personally in life.  The judgements of another have nothing to do with you, so we should not take another’s criticisms as Truth.  The only Truth to know is that you are love, you are light, you are fiercely loved by God, and your soul is eternal.  That does not mean that suffering will not happen, it just means that it is part of the game of life.  It’s not personal, even if it hurts deep.  The deeper the wound, the closer you are to God even if you cannot see it.

I am reminded of the Beatitudes, and Jesus’s teachings at the Sermon on the Mount.  Blessed are those who suffer!  Their grief has the power to transform their lives and bring them closer to God.  It is the Truth.

And now my sweet child is awake and we must start our day.  My home will not be clean for the cleaner, and honestly I don’t care.  It’s the best I can do and that is all that matters.  I did my best.  I listened to God.  I shared my testimony and will continue to do so until my breath leaves my body for good.  Today will be a great day, and I AM thankful for another day to celebrate God on this Earth. 

Wishing you peace and blessings,

Meg